13 Relationship Killers: Behaviors that Damage and Destroy Partnerships 11/10/2009

0 Comment(s)

 

http://socyberty.com/relationships/13-relationship-killers-behaviors-that-damage-and-destroy-partnerships
by Athlyn Green in Relationships, March 17, 2009

Destructive behaviors that destroy trust and sabotage loving partnerships.

In the beginning, everything’s roses . . . then the thorns start to grow: damaging behaviors that diminish trust and destroy love. Watch out for these 13 relationship killers.

Thorn 1: Not Listening

In the beginning, you both hung on every word, but what has happened as time has gone by? Do you still show your partner courtesy by listening closely?

Thorn 2: Forgetting to Say “I Love You”

Don’t assume that your partner knows you love them. Keep saying it, thus reinforcing the bonds of love.

Thorn 3: Forgetting to Do Nice Things for Your Partner

The song, “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” struck a chord with many people. Remember to treat that someone special just as they truly are, special.

Thorn 4: Minimizing What’s Important to the Other Person.

One of the fastest ways to destroy a relationship is to fail to pay attention to what concerns your partner. If something is important to them, it should be important to you–even if you are not personally interested in it. You need to make it your business, rather than downplaying it or treating it as though it is lightweight and doesn’t matter.

Thorn 5: Blowing Off Requests

When your partner asks you to do something, do you do your best to do it or do you delay, putting it off and then accusing them of nagging you when they are forced to remind you?

Thorn 6: Criticizing Your Partner

Criticism crushes trust and can make a partner wary. If you’ve gone from being your partner’s best advocate to an adversary, you need to look at what has changed and seek to correct it, before it damages the relationship.

Thorn 7: Snapping at Your Partner

You wouldn’t do this on your first couple of dates so don’t get into the habit as time goes by. Your partner deserves respect–even when you are stressed or angry.

Thorn 8: Accusing Your Partner
Don’t assume your partner has done something. Watch how you phrase your questions. Instead of “What did you do with my . . . ?” or “You must have moved it.” Rephrase this to “Have you seen my . . . ?”or “I wonder what I did with it?”

Thorn 9: Refusing to Communicate or Work at Bettering Communication
Lack of communication has been said to be one of the most challenging relationship problem’s couples face. Men and women have different communication styles; however, it is necessary to develop effective communication patterns because communication works as a kind of relationship cement. When one party withdraws and refuses to discuss problems, you can bet that a whole host of other problems will develop.

Thorn 10: Refusing to Compromise
Some people seem to feel that it’s their way or no way. This might work in the schoolyard but it shouldn’t be part of an adult relationship. Each person has to be willing to give so that a compromise is reached that is satisfactory to both parties. Couples should get stuck on the solution over getting struck by the problem.

Thorn 11: Not Spending Enough Time With Your Partner
In some relationships, the television or the computer becomes the main focus of attention. While there’s nothing wrong with spreading your attention elsewhere, pay attention that your attention doesn’t stray for too long or too often–or you may find that all you’ll be left with for companionship is that television or computer. Not spending enough time with your partner sends a message that they aren’t that important to you.

Thorn 12: Lying to Your Partner

Some people actually believe that they can lie and won’t get caught out. How can you ask your partner to trust you if you lie to them? Do you earn their trust or destroy it?

Thorn 13: Cheating On Your Partner

Cheating is one of the most damaging behaviors around, one that is sure to destroy your partner’s trust. Yet, many do it. If you subscribe to the philosophy that you can love one person and be intimate with another, you’d better take a hard look at the depth of love you profess to feel. If you really loved someone, you would not risk breaking their heart for transitory pleasure. The saying, “But it didn’t mean anything,” will come back to haunt you when you see just what it will mean: separation, divorce, legal costs, loss of friends and family, loss of others’ respect when word gets out.

All couples face relationship issues but how each person decides to act on a daily basis will set the tone for future happiness or for relationship problems. By adopting constructive behavioral patterns, your relationship will blossom instead of being damaged and choked out by thorns.

 

Comments

Leave a Reply